It is Saturday again already. I did not miss the 10 am meeting today. The church we meet in was locked so we met outside and sat on benches in the garden sanctuary. A cool peaceful breeze blew as we discussed the seventh tradition which talks about the oa groups being self sufficient through weekly donations from members. The discussion branched off onto the subject of money and how people handle -- it another problem area in my life. I stayed afterwards and talked with Ann confiding in her how much of a problem money is in my life and how badly I need to work. She shared some things with me that were not that different from many of my concerns. She looked as though she'd lost some weight and when she said she'd been abstinent, meaning free from compulsive eating, I told her I'd noticed the change.

Abstinence. I'm playing around with it, not taking it seriously, judging myself too harshly, while continuing the drive thru episodes. The other night on the way home from my Champaign trip, I fought with myself most of the way home finally tossing my wallet to the back of the van so I could not reach it. When I win these battles I feel great and when I do not, I pretend as tho it did not happen so I don't have to deal with conscience.

I need to start toting up some abstinent days and counting them out because one day builds on another and it gets easier. My abstinence is defined as refraining from compulsive eating but in my gut I know that NO DRIVE THRUS has to be a part of it also. I also need to address night time eating even tho all I have is yogurt or fruit but even that can be compulsive when its one thing after another.

So today I have been abstinent. I even cooked dinner on my little GF grill. And now I'm retiring to my own bed not the couch.