I freeze when i sit down to write. My mind is going all the time worrying, wishing, hoping, fearing.......about the future. About Amy's future. Mine, too, for that matter. I want to write more.
I read Dream Mom a blog by a single mom of a severely disabled son. Her concerns, her son's declining health, the things she goes thru, the energy she has to have..............all of these things put me to shame. I feel a failure and a wimp.
it has been almost a month since Amy returned home from camp. We're still waiting for word from AID that her new home is ready for her. I don't know what i'll do when they say its ready, tho. I'm dreading her leaving for good. I worry how she'll spend her down time. Will she just sit doing nothing wishing for a different life, wishing to be home? Will the caretaker she has accept cheerfully the task she has ahead of her caring physically for Amy? Will anyone pay attention to her hair and clothes and how she looks in public or will she look like one of any of the disabled people i see sometimes and feel bad for? I know I can't take care Amy anymore physically. I haven't been able to since March actually. Helpers come in three times a day. This is a difficult time for me, perhaps for her. She needs a life of her own tho. Her whole day is spent listening to books on tape with meals and short snipptets of time taken for our interacting and being outside together with the dogs. We don't watch tv in the daytime. That's all i have. Must stop.
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