i'm going crazy. There is no one to turn to. That's what being this age is about. No one wants to hear your worries or problems. They just want you to make no waves, no complications for them and their lives. And I get that. But this is lonely. Amy has been home from camp for a week now. Mostly during the day she listens to books on tape and for that I feel guily that I'm not interacting with her. Just doing mindless housework from my wheelchair. She's leaving home soon to live somewhere else. It hangs above us like a threat and at the same time it is exciting and a new part of life for her. Daily she tells me she's SO glad she's not going to school anymore. She will be working at a work center in the area she's moving to. I am full of worries that she will sit without work to do during slow times or without meaningful work at all due to her physical and visual involvement.
And i'm worn out. Tired of being in this chair, having to be lifted out at bedtime. Wanting to spend more and more time in bed. Now I've been told I'm anemic and that may explain the weakness and joint pain increase lately.
And while I'm here alone making the best, HE is not working, sitting all day at his kitchen counter playing with facebook, doing who knows what. Drinking. Putting his life and others including his girls' lives in jeapordy because of it. Living as he wants to selfdestructing all the while. While the money my mom left me dwindles away. I am powerless in this situation. I'm watching as my life unravels and he self destructs. Goddam it.
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